That Time Of Year
by Magnis
Summary: Gibbs can't believe 20 years had come and gone... rating due to swears...sorry please read my first fan fic...give it a chance :


**Hi! This is my 1****st**** fanfic so comment please! ****  
**

**Disclaimer: ****Let's see I own a…….PUPPY named Rebel****...... But not NCIS or this rocken' song**_** That Time Of Year**_** By**_**: sick Puppies **_**……but I'm still hoping **

**Summary: Gibbs can't believe that 20 years has come and gone again………**

**That Time of Year:**  
_Another year  
has come and gone again  
_Gibbs looked at his calendar that was hanging next to his boat, it was April 11, 2010- it had been 20 years- 20 pain filled, heart breaking years since they had left him.

_look around  
and think where have you been_

So much had come since they left Ziva, Jimmy and his father even came back. But yet so much had left him, Pacci, Kate, Paula, Jenny. So many things had happened Kate was shot by that bastard Ari, Ziva shot Ari (her half-brother), his father came back, he almost died, Jenny left him for good, Tony nearly died- three times, Ziva left and almost died, and they rescued her too. Saving Ziva was like bringing Kelly back; her smiles were good to see again._  
trace the lines  
on your face tonight  
_It was true, he had been through so much and he was getting old, but for some reason he just couldn't leave Abby, Tony, McGee, Ziva, Ducky and even Palmer. They were like his new family, sure some have been replaced, but they will NEVER be forgotten.

_and don't forget  
that this will pass in time_

They say time heals the wounds we bear, but that's not true, we never heal we just learn to accept them. Gibbs walked over to his boat and started to sand the side of his most recent boat, he called it _The Lost Ones_ it was a long title but in a nut shell it summed up all of his loved ones that he had lost. He took another swig of bourbon and went upstairs to shower and get ready for work. Family or no family people are still killing each other._  
It's cold out this morning  
you should be getting into __bed__  
_He walked out to his car it was cold, to say the least. Snow covered the ground, it crunched under his feet. All he really wanted to do was to go back to bed and sleep this awful, pain-filled day away, but he knew he couldn't do that.

_can't believe it's that time  
of year again_

20 years, 20 long years. 20 years of a hardened heart, of suffering, of unshed tears. 19 years with so many wrong women. Jenny could have been another chance but she was gone now too. Every woman he ever really loved was dead. He had tried to find substitutes but they never really worked out.

_Curled up tight  
a darker __shade __of white  
_He swerved on to a dark, abandon road and put the car in park. He pushed his knees up to his chest, put his head in his hands and cried. He just couldn't hold it in anymore, the last time he truly cried was the day he found out they were dead and wouldn't be there when he got back. Shannon and Kelly, his family, his life, his world were gone and he wasn't even there. He was stuck in that hell hole called Desert Storm, while that bastard killed his family.

He could've done something! But he wasn't there.

_thinking back could be  
here for a while_

Then he thought of what could have been….. Would he and Shannon have had more kids? What would Kelly look like now? Would he ever fully heal? Now that Jenny was gone too, that wound of loss was ripped right back open when it had just begun to heal again.

He started to think of Jenny……Did she really love him? Why did she have to go? He loved her and he missed her it was true she was the only other woman he had ever loved other than Shannon. And now she had gone too. His life was falling apart, person by person. No matter what anyone thought, everyone on his team had a piece of his heart, and little by little his heart was losing more pieces.

_It's cold out this morning  
and it's getting harder to pretend_

The sun was just about to rise when he put the car in drive and drove to the coffee shop. He had gotten his usual and walked out. It was getting harder and harder to pretend everything was ok, when it wasn't. He was sick of being the rock, the boss, super Gibbs. He just wanted all the pain to go away, he didn't want to run away again, no, he needed to talk to his family._  
_

_can't believe it's that  
time of year again_

As he walked into the bull-pen and looked at what he saw Tony and Ziva chit-chatting away about some stupid movie, Duck telling Jimmy a story, and Abby sitting on McGee's desk talking about her "super fun weekend" McGee just listening and laughing. Just how it should be, except why did he feel so empty inside.

It got quiet as he walked in they knew what today was, he knew that they knew. Thank god today was a paper work day.__

Can you believe the life you led?

He had no paper work left so he looked back on his life again; he remembered when Shannon and Kelly convinced him to go horseback riding. He remembered them and smiled, and then he went into his desk and got out the flask he got from them and laughed.

The team looked up at him shocked, then saw what he was holding nodded their heads and set back to work._  
did you achieve the goals you set?_

Some of his goals, like having a family, were long forgotten, but others were just beginning, like having a new-non-blood family and living his life catching dirt-bags so that the victims family's fate wouldn't be life his_  
did you lose your mind?  
now and then  
_He never really loses his mind…..just his temper. He interrogates everyone like they were the ones that killed his family. But that's not bad is it? Because almost everyone who steps into that interrogation room has hurt someone. So it's justified isn't it?_  
Is there a reason you won't mend?_

Gibbs looked into the flask, his reflection was somber, his eyes dark and depressed. He wondered why his wounds won't heal, and then he remembered their faces, their beautiful eyes. There were five reasons he won't let his wounds heal: Shannon, Kelly, Kate, Paula, and Jenny. There were many more that were still alive._  
it is a season that won't end  
_Gibbs glanced over to the clock it was only noon. No one left for lunch today they all packed one and ate at their desk. This day will never end.

_can't believe it's that  
time of year again_

The clock struck 5:40 time to go Gibbs was about to pack up and leave when Abby rushed out of the elevator yelling "GUYS! GUYS! WE ARE ALL GOING OUT TO HAVE A DRINK NO MATTER WHAT ANY OF YOU SAY!"

"Alright Abby tone it down" McGee said they went around the circle and everyone agreed even Gibbs agreed because he didn't want to be alone tonight.

At the bar they all took turns picking a subject, just like a game. Tony picked movies, Abby picked music, Ziva picked weapons, McGee picked games, Ducky picked memories and Jimmy picked school. When they finally got to Gibbs he was near tears, "My subject is….family" he finally said as he looked down.

"Oh Gibbs!" Abby said as she jumped off her bar stool and hugged him, followed by Ziva, Tony, McGee, Ducky and finally Jimmy. A tear rolled down his cheek as his team-no- his family hugged him and comforted him.

_Another year  
has come and gone again_

Tony and Ziva took him home the car ride was a daze, but eventually he got there. Tony and Ziva dropped him off and settled him in until he yelled at them to go home._  
look around  
and wonder what happened_

As he laid down in his bed he wondered what happened to his life, why there was so much hurt, and pain.__

It's cold out this morning  
you should be getting into bed

_can't believe it's that time  
of year again  
_He settled into his bed glad that this day was finally over, and that tomorrow the pain would shut up or at least be quieter.__

We're fresh out of warnings

He knew that death would continue and that this day would be back next year…..but he was just glad that it was over this year._  
maybe it's time you called a friend  
forget that it's that time  
of year again  
_He picked up his phone and pressed speed dial #4. A moment later a yawn was heard followed by a "Hello,"

"Hey Duck, can you just talk"

"Well of course Jethro," Ducky replied, and he did. By the end of the conversation Gibbs was yawning, smiling and laughing. As he hung up he felt something in his pocket, he reached in a pulled out a white piece of paper, and he realized it was an envelope. When he opened it, he saw a card, it didn't matter what it said, and he looked at the signatures on the bottom it was from his team. He looked at the picture that was included, it was from two years ago when they were off they went to the park, he remembered the picture like it was yesterday; On the right side was Ziva, she was on Tony's back her arms stretched out like a plane, on the left was Abby, she was on McGee's back doing the same as Ziva, in the back center Jimmy was talking to Ducky, and in the front center was Jenny and Gibbs with their arms around each other's shoulders. A tear rolled down Gibbs cheek as he put the picture on his bed side table next to the picture of him, Shannon and Kelly right before he deployed. As he lay down he realized why his life could seem so bad; because it made the good times so much better._  
Forget that it's that time  
of year again_

_**Fin**_

_**R&R I hoped you like it like I said before this is my first fanfic! **___

_**Hope You Liked It!**_

_**Sara~**_


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